….wild is the wind…creative freedom is the seed….
I am going to sound like a horrible, unappreciative, spoilt Gen-X for writing this! But hear me out, I know I had a great Valentine’s day, for someone who can’t commit one way or another for decades…..I’ve never had a Valentine where I did not get a card, even if it is a joke Tesco card, since I was in primary school.
I don’t know why. I don’t even celebrate Valentine’s day but my friends like it. They also spend way too much money on Hello Kitty toasters! Don’t ask! (Yes, the one Reese Witherspoon talked about that has turned into some sort of limited edition collectibles!)
So, Valentine started with me realising the day before from an email from an acquaintance of mine who is some sort of Local Super-PR. We met at a Private members club when I first moved into her “hood” and kept in touch because she was just such a little PR-firebrand! She moved on, as PRs do and went on to “head” an Elite Club for Professionals to socialise and date!
I must admit when she first floated the idea with me, I had avoided it because I had spent hours online making fun of that really funny LIndsay Lohan E-harmony video! I loved it. She goes,”Cos…I’m sooo alone!” LMAO.
That is pretty much how I felt my whole life. I don’t remember a time when I’d be completely “single”….meaning there’s always a kind of subliminal traffic signals of interest as all my friends and I floated through university possibly “engaging in serial relationship monogamy with the occassional overlapse…”
If I added up my adult life, I’d say I’ve spent all of maybe 18 months maximum alone. That was because I got really into Buddhist meditation & yoga. Even then, there were loads of “undercurrent”. I remembered talking to a Dutch male model who has now renounced it all to become a Buddhist monk. Yes, he was heterosexual ladies, so great loss to women kind! But he said,” It is so embarassing to think that up to the point where I board my plane at Schiphol airport, I still had my ex-girlfriend coming to see me off at the airport and we did a quickie in the loo….and I was suppose to be journeying to the East to discover my spiritual side.”
Right, that was why in between 8 hrs of meditation daily, we were still having a dance party in my tiny “cell” of a room with about 20 other models/dancer/ex-dancer/actor/model/vegan/yoga teachers/taichi pracitioners/models/singers/artists/photographer & poets! Lol. BTW…It was just “Dancing” to a bit of Spice Girls, Robbie William & Petshop boys (from pirated CDs you can buy all over India! Nothing else…filthy minds! Tut..tut…)
I’d like to think we’ve all grown up since then. Seriously!
….so Valentine 2012, started with me on the phone going to the pseudo-bf,”You forgot!”
He goes,”Yes I did but as we are speaking, your card is in your inbox! So, who reminded you?”
Answer: “PR-superbrander C put my name on the lists to come and visit her Elite Dating club!”
He goes,” What do you get for showing up?”
Answer: “Showing some support to C’s gig, a glass of Champers!”
I turned up late because I was online talking to an organisation in Isreal that’s working with a Nobel Peace Prize winner of theirs. I figured that is more important than showing up to a dating club on-time.
I must say when I got there, it was an impressive waterfront venue and it was already really full. I bumped into C to say hi. I was in my gym gear and totally underdressed for it. It was my honest intention to just show my support and get out of there. C, of course, would not have a bar of it! She said, “Drop off your stuff, grab a glass of Moet and let me introduce you to some of our “members”.”
I smirked, feeling introverted & pleaded “inappropriately attired” but then saw this really quite good looking guy in a suit being pushed in front of me by C! He was cute, early Gen X, brunette. My guess, judging by the suit is Lawyer or maybe lawyer? 🙂 I greeted him politely but not with a great deal of interest as I was bit preoccupied with taking some photos of the Moet cascades for an ironic art installation.
I’m sorry, I’m like that. You can stick a super male model in front of me and if my head is somewhere else, its just the way it goes. Not the least bit shocked by this, C pushed on and shoved another fairly good looking slightly younger Gen X at me; a blonde edition! Again, I smiled. He smiled. Judging by the suit, I’m guessing Media type.
The Party went on. I met a few more of C’s female members. I made friends with a Director of a Rehabilitation charity who needed an alpha femal pep talk. She offered me a job. I told her to go and talk to some guy in a silver grey suit, I’m guessing Property developer from the suit. 🙂 She laughs and convinced me to get my free make-up done, sponsored by “Maybe its Maybelline”. She was such a bubbly person, I arranged to have a coffee with her. Hope I made a new friend! 🙂
I grabbed a sample posh cupcakes, its is covered with edible glitters, again donated, promoted and sponsored.
By this time the place was like a giant Pink magazine cover for Better Clubs & Corporates. They are playing early Whitney Houston. I’m thinking,” Will these Gen Xers & early Gen Ys ever grow up?” Clearly not. They were all too busy playing in front of the Fun-flip machine (yes, also free and sponsored!). There was also London inc. nails giving out a free polish with a £10 manicure (yes, it is sponsored also because an average proper London inc. nail polish is about £20!)
By this time everyone is having a plethora of Corporate, Professional, Sponsored fun, I’ve been told off for the 3rd time for nicking more than my share of the Moet! I’m over-posting on my facebook as half of Isreal and a few of my “homies” in Hong kong, Singapore, Dubai and Australia are all wondering what this PR-gig will be like! They all “liked” my dry, wry observations, with postings gold like:
FB: ” It is better that I am late for a Valentine Elect Elite party and heard about the Nobel Peace laureate Peres via Nim from Yala…but now I have to rush to get my sip of Moet & chandon! yeah yeah, bring on the the champagne socialism jokes…:P I’ve come to expect it from you lot! hahaha.”
FB: “Just got told off for nicking another moet …u know…im sure a marxist meeting (as if) would be about the same as this pink corporate place with loads of cupcakes, champers and maybelline pushers..alright im bored they can do my makeup…lol.”
Response from a Scottish Artist on some flying kilt rant (he’s actually quite cute & would make a good little SNAG for a real post-modern Couger), sounding rather whimiscal, comes back with a:
” If we get bored in the club, I can entertain with my party trick; you paint my emaciated body in gold enamel, robe me in sequinned undergarments, place me on a central revolving spotlit platform and play my ribcage like a xylophone. Highly skilled trained whippets with stuffed monkeys on their backs respectively with peaches in their own mouths are ushered in with morsels of bread which they feed to me while the PA system and voice emulation technology evokes the voices of every president that ran uttering the words “the body of christ.” (in a george michael or dudley moore (pished) accent). …..A shameless sugar mommy to indulge my idiosyncrasies in exchange for being chaperoned however. Two boxes ticked. 3 if we get to be kinky. Did somebody say “Ride me like a pony!!!”
LOL. Scottish men are completely shameless…they would do anything for a beer and a scottish artist type would do anything for an artistically arranged Kilt & a beer (….but don’t hold your breathe about him getting an even Tan….HE IS SCOTTISH…hello!) ! 🙂
and finally, fb-ing with this artistic Scotsman reminded me of his distant “cousin” …the other Mckers…:) aka The Golden Arches:
FB: “Escaped. Waiting for my filet-o-fish. Gave alpha chick pep talk. She offered to give me a job. Lol.sweety! Chatted up photgrapher himbo. Got makeup done. Took more moet. Going2 gym. Hope pr friend is not annoyed that i sneak out of elite club dating thing …loads of suits…c’mon.u all know me. yes inappropriately attired!..i only wear suits when i want authorities to kiss my toes.:)”
…and this is the soppy bit….just when I thought I’m not the least bit romantic and that I’ve finally faced what Valentine truly is; a whole lot of sponsored corporate freebies, events & champers….just when I was ready to be “really controversial” by having a cheeseburger before I go to the gym ! (Yes, it is my way of rebelling against the fascism of having to burn 300cals minimum + 1 hr of yoga and/or pilates)…..
…just when I had finished laughing at the 19 yrs old who came to the sponsored gig because “Boohoo…I got stood up by this girl on Valentine and my parents used their membership to put my name on the lists…then I lost my ipod in there.”
😛 Wow , what can I say? That kid will be doomed to a life of planting pansies if he doesn’t get some “real acerbic advise” and stop listening to his probably “In-betweener-Punk-generation” interventionist parents! So I said,” Look, you need to get on line tonight, doctor the pictures you have taken and put it on your Mibba or facebook or whatever you use! Then you tag that emo-skank to the picture and add a few other competing emo-skanks and you go mess with her head! It won’t work, she will see right through you but she will at least notice you have a provocative side & respect you even if she doesn’t want to date you…cos right now, you are too “nice”. You can be nice, you just can’t be a doormat. Emo-skank should learn to be an alpha-chick and say Yes or No clearly to you from the word go, not drag you around town chasing her all night to make herself look ace, that’s not stylish and she will pay for it later when she gets older for that kind of pathetic ego dishonesty! See what I mean?”
He looked at me like I was his personal Oprah, thanked me and ran off to catch his bus! (See why no one should trust me with their children? :))
Anyway just when I thought I’m immuned, I got to Mackers and saw these two on a pseudo-valentine outing. It was so freaking cute! They were just sitting there, talking shyly into their hands, staring at each other, over cups of coffee they are NOT drinking, with a really cheap box of chocolate on the table. I don’t know why the complete unpretentious, awkwardness of it just inspired me artistically. It just captured what Valentine 2012 was for me: Not about corporate sponsorship and lonely hearts but more about authentic feelings. When you “get real” about your feelings, even hideous McDonalds coffee and a £2.99 box of tacky chokies can be kinda “sweet”.
They were just so freaking awkward & sincere in their little date, it made me realise, “Wow, that’s what we all looked like ….except we were all too busy trying to look “edgy and with it” and somewhere in there, we forgot to be authentic, pathetic & goofy. That’s why a lot of us need to catch up with being open & vulnerable now…..maybe cheesy Pansy-boy had a point….so he lost his ipod…emo-chick will never feel sorry for him…but at least he went out there, chased emo-chick around town all night and finally got a “No!”…but then went to a REALLY fun party! Way to go, Pansy-kid…you taught me something too about “taking risk”!”
I got home, opened my inbox and got my Valentine card, it said,” You hold a special place in my heart!”
I sent one back that read:
“Roses are Red, Salmons are too. I prefer a cheeseburger. How about you?”
You didn’t think I was suddenly going to turn into Ms Mills and Boon, did you? Lol.
and Here’s Lindsay Lohan’s funny E-harmony Spoof! XXOO