….wild is the wind…creative freedom is the seed….
5th March 2013: Did anyone bother to say in “Uncomfortable Moments with Putin” blog that anyone who annoys Putin enough rarely last longer than a Year??? hahahhhaha.
Quelle Dommage…nobody is crying over here and besides despite its Hype 50 Shades was also yet another gimmicky seagull poo on the windscreen of life!
Hmm….Hugo….we’ve forgotten who you are already…
Except for this one Last Comedy Next Media Chinese Cartoon! lol.
But Putin-baby…we still make cartoons about YOU, because you are soooooo sexy….lol.
But I don’t think Benetton would USE YOU this one without getting “a letter”! hahaha
From 23 July 2012
So Bloody hell, I come off my idyllic Greek island life and I’m schlepped with some pastel cardigan chicky-babe on the flight next to me, holding her mealy-mouthed (also pastel cardigan wearing) boyfriend’s hand, reading what I can only describe as a sick combo fantasy between Simon Cowell’s biography (wtf?) and 50 Shades of Grey. The mind boggles, since I can’t really imagine what sort of perversion Simon Cowell’s biography can hold for Ms. Prissy and Mr.Average Preppie.
I don’t like to be mean to them as they were way more civilised than that dreadful 40 something Gen X troglodyte with 3 revolting looking hell-spawn, whom I fought with because Boohoo, I had no freaking respect (his words) for his ability to copulate and produce 3 annoying spawns that kept screaming for hrs and kicked into the back of my chair! Gen X Mid-life Crisis with his own version of a gap wearing Mrs Prissy was doing some sort of “me, he-man” drama! He had the audacity to crap on at me about my sarcasm (about his hell spawns and why people who do not believe in hiring a nanny should not travel with 2 Toddlers & a baby while expecting the center of the universe to rotate around his patrilineal rights! All I can say is Creeps like him is the reason why I’m all pro-choice!). I just saw Red…lol. But not in the comrade-sense! hehehe. As if!
Gosh, I just don’t know what happened. Anyway, little chauvinistic Gen X slob who couldn’t get an alpha female his own age with a great big “Jesus” leather belt buckle, ended up hiding in a little corner by the time I saw “normal visions” again. He didn’t say much but he said it loud. Only in some places can an easy argument be won with hurling children in people’s face….why doesn’t he try…I don’t know a 3D image of Jesus in a hologram or wow…Boliver, anyone?
So in theory I was supposed to write about Venezuela for this week’s blog. But I can’t be bothered because Hugo Chavez is so boring. I know I will have to write about it eventually but for now, who cares that Russia has just been posturing with Syria in the UN to hide that their investments had fallen out of bed with Hugo and everyone is going to court…and with Russia….its never just a “dinner and a movie” is it ? When their dates with their comrades don’t lead to a 3rd date..so wait for the Bear’s hissyfit…it’s coming…the Syria thing and all that locking up of teenage girls (Pussy Riot blah-blah) because they sang a song in a church that Putin didn’t like ..that’s just pre-date jitters!?!? lol.
Though as usual when the Ladies are topless, pretty and from the Ukraine (aka the Femen.org), they can make’a’da’sexy with a Pierogi and Putty will only send them a letter to make’a’da’scary…but when its his own underage girlies, dressed in incredibly ugly and hideous home knitted outfits with hairy armpits flaring in the gold gilded church..Putty’s idea was to just lock them up and throw away the keys until they are old enough to be locked up again! Oh dear…they are talking about taking away those unattractive girl’s parental rights, making them disposable ward of the Putin State….get thee to Siberia?
Oh, don’t anybody say Hugo–a-Go-GO…lol. Anyway, yes you will probably have to hear all about Venezuela and yet another commie bite-the-dust if he doesn’t “Put out for Putin”…….I am so bored with that, I don’t know where to start..its the same old-same old story when you are stuck Tangling with the Big Bear! Let’s just bitch about 50 Shades of Grey!
There’s so much propaganda on all sides, you just give up trying to sort it out…
According to Hugo, he’s like a legend (in his own head) and his people are all living in some commie paradise, Venezuela has some of the world’s largest proven oil deposits as well as huge quantities of coal, iron ore, bauxite and gold. Yet most Venezuelans live in poverty, many of them in shanty towns, some of which sprawl over the hillsides around the capital, Caracas.
But Hey at least they have really fantastic beaches over in Venezuela for a decent tan until the dictatorships (by that I mean the TRIPLE dictatorship of Hugo’s unrealistic Commie-with-Chavez-Characteristics corruption, Russian getting juicy with Venezuela’s Gold and all other natural resources AND America’s bid to control all that Natural oil supply or at least divert it far enough away from Russia funnelling it to China (to maintain regional trade, of course!) ….until ALL 3 would agree to go away…Forget about getting any Peaceful naps, Venezuela! No one will be crying for you like Argentina, because not a peep will be coming out of you in the media or otherwise when Big Hugo, Big Bear, Uncle Sam AND the Yellow Emperor all are trying to get you to “put out on the 3rd date”! Talk about a full dance card!
Yet why should Anyone of us care if there may or may not be a coup (not that I’m saying there might be, afterall, how the hell would I know and furthermore even if I did, why should I care? I have all the gold earrings I need, thanks, courtesy of some very generous chinese relatives who gave me family heirlooms as presents) ….who cares?
What Joon Broon had to say about that stupid book “50 Shades of Grey” made me spit my Frappe out all over the nearest 40 something Gen X mid-life Crisis loser! I decided to reproduce her comedic rant in full. But beware, if you are peevish about swear words and female genitals, it is best that you just skip this section of the blog now.
I think when one is presented with the completely banale in life, it behoves an Intelligent, thinking and empowered modern woman to just Take the absolute piss out of it and laugh until you can laugh no more at the utter stupidity and banality of an ignorant author’s attempt to describe the world of BDSM (that’s Dominance/ submission/ Sadism/ masochism) …without actually doing any proper research.
I can see why 50 Shades is an insult to those who Know something about the intricacies of the dark side.I can really see why everyone is disgusted with the idea that a sub could in the last chapter forget to use the “safe word” or how a dom. would “ignore it”. As soon as people pointed this out to me, I totally understand why so many are so disgusted by the book. It is ignorant and ill-researched. It is not erotic nor is it s&m because the abuse described is just another banal gender abuse, disguised as s&m.
Hey I did not fail to see the analogy between Chavez’s decision about Venezuela natural resources and Putty’s Russia (he is Putty-baby, of course he gets to play Mr. Grey….don’t argue with him or he will speak in staccato and make’a’da’scary! ), but again,we did say we don’t care at all, so we won’t continue with THAT metaphor!
I think Joon described how messed up the relationship is, VERY very clearly here and probably with the right “language”:
“For fuck’s sake, I succumbed to the hype and bought ‘Fifty shades of Grey’…from the fucking co-op, I shit you not, this shit is on sale in THE FUCKING CO-OP, which to my mind has never sold any kind of fucking book before, ever.
The two women on the tills smiled knowingly at me and said, ‘Well no be seeing you for a few days then!’ and a woman in front of me said, ‘Oh, I’ve read all three, they’re marvellous,’ and winked, somewhat salaciously.
Felt a bit excited, like I was part of some secret gang or something. So I gets it home, curls up, thinking, a wee bit of girly porn, this’ll do…300 pages later and I now I am screaming ‘WHAT THE FUCK???????????????’
It is BEYOND ATROCIOUS. The first 110 pages, no shagging at all, just a really badly written few chapters outlining the flimsy and annoying characters…(think Mills & Boon with references to emails and Kings of Leon)
The heroine is a twee cunt who’s a 21 year old virgin, makes a proper tit of herself in front of the hero by falling on her pus and then later boking on him, and when they actually get down to some shagging, she gives him a blowjob (in the bath, yeah right, try that without fucking drowning) and she refers to his cock as ‘My very own Christian Grey flavoured popsicle’.
I read on just to see if it got any worse and of course it fucking did. Twee cunt talks about her ‘Inner Goddess’ every second paragraph and refers to her fanny as ‘Down there’. I read the dedication ‘For Niall, Master of my Universe’ ! The writer of this tome was gonna be a woman I’d never tire of skelping in the pus with her fucking own anal beads.
300 pages in, all that’s happened is he’s skelped her arse a few times for rolling her eyes at him….FUCK THIS!!! I wanted proper punishment, lotsa bondage and hardcore action, not this namby pamby fucking mince.
I had a more daring Sub Dom sex life when I was fifteen, plunking school and drinking cider in graveyards with boys – foreplay usually involved chasing a boy and kicking fuck out of him til he couldn’t run any further.
I am gonna write a proper shagfest for women like me. Any poor cunt that finds this pish in any way erotic has never had a decent arse buckling ride.”
Seriously I am going to put it out there, although not in Joon’s stand-up comedian writing style. By the way, she does perform stand-up so if you find her language too “rough” for you and you just can’t handle it…well, I don’t know…read my other blog about Madonna Mia by Oscar Wilde or the one about Four white roses for Sacred women’s circles…its softer…and go and sniff some panties…I mean pansies….of course..typo.
Anyway, here’s the thing….I probably fit into the Anastasia demographics. Yes, I’ve driven a vintage car (Triumph Spitfire MK2), I do read classic english lit and was brought up by nuns and all that..and yeah I’ve probably dated a few Christian Grey in my days (but had the good sense to run for the hills!). But seriously….even I can see that there’s absolutely nothing erotic about the relationships of the two main characters….He is Artificially keeping her “safe” from something scary out there by being really Scary with her “down there”!
There is no trust, where there is no trust, there is no consent in the s&m sense. In the discussions about this, a point came up which I thought was rather poignant: Erotica is a Mind-fuck….like many s&m scenarios…all the shagging in the world is mechanical in the s&m scenario without the necessary mis-en-scene that builds the mind-fuck in the power relations between the two….that is why erotica is actually one of the hardest genre to write.
Abusive Mind-control is very different from a mind-fuck, it is just not sexy! I am not sure why Communist leaders never seem to learn that simple fine-line. I suspect it is because they never tried their hands at erotic fiction, horror story they had plenty of practice with, especially in South America but clearly the finer art of luring a population into false sense of safety, they would have to learn from Casanova California or something……:)
Oh Sorry, we are NOT talking about Venezuela.We don’t care…
I think 50 Shades is a failure because it promises to deliver erotica to thinking women and it ended up giving us a very male centric estimate of what “girls” can handle….and yes, “girls” not WOMEN.
I hate crap that Panders to perceptions of what “girls” can handle and quite frankly, any modern Woman willing to call herself “a girl” is just as my eloquent Female Facebook network of empowered friends would put it: ” a woman I’d never tire of skelping in the pus with her fucking own anal beads.”
lol. Oh Puttin….Oh my….
So while whining Hugo (oops, I meant Anya type girls) try to dress up like real alpha females while secretly begging for some Christian Grey to abuse them in the boring conventional sense, the women I grew up with ran corporations, had control over everyone’s lives, are in real life more like Christian Grey’s couger mentor and stuff and maybe escape into the fantasies of submission. You go to your fantasies to explore the opposite of your realities, you don’t behave like Anya in your daily power interactions with men and then read books to affirm that is the right way to deal with the ever more barbed and mired issues of sexual and gender politics.
AS for Venezuela..whom we’ve all forgotten already…apart from the incredible supermodels that dominate Agent Provocateurs and Victoria Secrets catalogues. I suppose: What is really screwed up is that deep down I know, even if this alleged coup which may or may not happen was happening right now, I’m still going to be amongst the people who are showing more interest to some Mommy’s soft-porn written by some moron in New York. In the meantime, stuff it if an entire poverty stricken nation is being screwed left, right and center without their consent by both the powers that be in the form of Chavez, his sell-out to his Russian mates AND Washington…..if this is even 10% true….hmmm….food for thought, Hugo-a-go-go-with-Venezuela-Globalisation-Gold?????
But hey, why should you care, when you can read about “her very own Grey flavored popsicle”… because clearly that is exactly what the world is sucking on at the moment ….lol. What I don’t really understand is…why the hell do we all swallow?
Nevermind, Never forget your Agent Provocateur,in both sense of the words….though the knickers are way prettier! 🙂